“Daddy, I just soo love you,” is what I used to say to my dad every day and every night before he boarded a plane back to Antigua without his wife, without his son, and without me, the little brown girl that sooo loved her daddy.
Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. Kisses. Kisses. Kisses. Yum. Yum. Yum. My life with my dad was bliss. Round and full bliss until it was replaced with the image of the back of his head and the realization that the Stevens household would be short one tall, dark, and irreverent father figure forever.
My parents divorced… but never officially labeled it the d-word when I was five years old. Divorce West Indian immigrant style is the promise of coming back after you establish yourself financially (but getting distracted), and never coming. It’s the promise of sending money to your wife so your kids can go on class trips, get extra homework help, or buy their first used car, but never sending it. It’s the promise of seeing your kids during the summer, yet never really seeing them.
My mom, brother, and I learned to work, play, love, and grow in the absence of my dad. His absence was like a broken piece of furniture in the living room that you kept but never fixed.
This is me and my brother all grown up without a dad. And yes, I know. I know. We look like twinsies. I get it all the time.
Do you know what I mean?
As a family, we never uttered the word “divorce” even when his 5am calls to us from Antigua dried up like a drought. As a family of three, when it was time for family pictures or family outings, we never complained why we had to rely on the kindness of strangers for a ride (my mom doesn’t drive) when we used to have a car and a man that drove us.
There were always silent reminders of needed repair.
Before I got married, I had sworn off the institution. “It’s an outdated institution, ya’ll, with only suffering and uncertainty.” That was my anthem and what I would share with anyone that asked me.
And even when I married one of the best people in the world, I still thought marriage was a precursor for divorce. I saw every fight, disagreement, or misunderstanding as a sign that we were on the road to separation.
But sooner rather than later, with the continual support of my mom and therapist, I realized all marriages don’t lead to divorce – that my childhood as a daddy-less daughter absolutely had no bearing on the life that I chose to create as an adult with my husband as a wife, and now mother, to a chocolate drop baby girl.
I learned that even without a “marriage compass,” I knew how to guide my relationship to a happy place.
I learned that even behind the wall of anger and resentment I still (kind of) have,
I can admit that I love my dad. No, let me rephrase that. I love my daddy and I believe that I always will.
On Sunday, October 9th at 10pm, HBO will premiere DIVORCE, starring Sarah Jessica Parker. It follows Frances and Robert as they grapple with the fallout from their failing marriage, not just for themselves, but also for their children and friends; ranging from awkward public encounters to difficult private therapy sessions.
The trailer for DIVORCE looks really interesting and well written. It handles an oft-messy topic with nuance and grace. You may also learn more about DIVORCE on HBO by visiting them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube.
Are you looking forward to DIVORCE on HBO? What’s your DIVORCE story? Tell me in the comments for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card!
No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
3. Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older (or nineteen (19) years of age or older in Alabama and Nebraska). Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. The notification email will come directly from BlogHer via the sweeps@blogher email address. You will have 2 business days to respond; otherwise a new winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 9/26/16– 10/23/16