In January, I gave myself the challenge of helping at least 10,000 brown girls heal their relationship with money by the end of the year.
Honestly, when this thought came to me I wanted to push it away because it seemed too big and too scary. But when my higher self (luckily) stepped in and told me that I could do it; She told me that I had to use what I had and what I loved to make it happen…asap.
So I made a mental list of what I had:
- I had The Frugal Feminista
- I had a love of writing
- I had my own story and testimony of how my relationship with money has transformed with some of the spiritual and money-related routines and practices I had created for myself.
- I had a sense of urgency and a deep love of my community (Think Moana, her love of the sea and her island. I have a toddler and I’ve watched that movie at least 25 times so now it’s one of my favorites, lol).
So that led me to write heal your relationship with money: Understand your “why,” let go of past financial dysfunction, and make peace with your money life in just 28 days in less than two months. We are now in the book formatting phase (and I’ll update this post with the live link to Amazon when is ready!)
Throughout the book writing process, I wanted to make sure that the “lifework” or daily exercises I provided were as impactful and as helpful as possible. Each day can stand on its own and there are key principles in the book that I want to share with you now, so you can begin to shift how you feel and think about your money life:
- If the foundation is shaky, the building will collapse. One of the reasons that you won’t see any big mention of Excel spreadsheets or calculators in heal your relationship with money is because that work, one of organizing numbers and working with formula, has to come after you’ve done the internal work of getting in touch with your current financial identity. Any money decision stems from a set of unconscious beliefs you hold about money and all things that have served as a proxy for it: love, status, popularity, significance, or power. But if you don’t sit with your money thinking, your money decisions will always be predictable, and that may not be a good thing if you want to change how you relate to money.
- It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility. I’ve worked with a lot of women as a personal finance coach and many of them blame their parents for not teaching them financial responsibility. And I completely agree with them. “Yes,” I say, “your mom did not teach you about money. She showed you that money was only meant for fun and not a long-term survivor.” But then I quickly move to the more important fact, “Even though they didn’t teach you, it’s still your responsibility to learn.” This follow-up statement allows them to see that they are right to assign blame, but they can’t dwell in that space of victimhood forever if they want to see change. In other words, it’s no one’s responsibility to change you, except you, once you’re an adult. Often, it’s a hard pill to swallow, but once it is, rapid transformation can occur.
- Have a plan for your financial triggers. If brown girls are ever to heal their relationship with money, they need to embrace their financial weaknesses. I know most of mine: I can’t spend too much in one day. If I do, my sense of deprivation kicks in. So, I spread spending over a few days. I know that I hate paying for my car insurance, so I automate it. Other financial triggers can include times of the year (anniversaries, holiday seasons), certain people (conversations with a boss, a particular friend, or a parent) or particular feelings (you may spend when you’re happy, lonely, or frustrated).
In heal your relationship with money, I give other tools and ways of thinking to free brown girls from their current financial chaos and dis-ease. I know for certain that when brown girls get free, our families get free.
And when our families get free, so do our communities.