The search for love is a real one. And the destination for many of us is down the aisle to that altar. When my husband and I were dating and he hinted about long term commitment and all that good stuff without the mention of marriage, I was like, “You gotta put five on it” meaning ” I needs me a ring and a title.”
When we really started talking about marriage, I asked that we put our cards on the table with respect to our finances. You ladies already know: I wasn’t tryin’ to get back into nobody’s debt nor did I feel comfortable bearing someone else’s financial liabilities– no matter how much I loved them.
I am very happy that we had conversations about money before we made it official. And let me tell you, I am a couple of months in as a wife, and I am still learning more about my husband’s financial outlook and he, mine.
So before you start prancing around town showing off the bling or if you are at the stage where you are envisioning your perfect mate and making a list of all the things that you want him to be (am I the only one that did that? FYI– I had 67 qualities that I was looking for; maybe I will share the list in another post :),) make sure you look at and answer the following questions to ensure that you are planning for your financial future because marriage is NOT a wedding.
These questions are not only about him, they are a great self-assessment to gauge where you are in your financial journey.
Childhood Money Memories
Financial Systems and Structures
Financial Identity and Goals
This list of questions, are by no means, exhaustive. Since you know your relationship better than anyone else, it is important that you use your observations and concerns to create questions that will allay your anxiety or misgivings and bring about more financial intimacy and transparency with your spouse.
If after answering these questions, you find that you and your soon-to-be-bethrowed or lifelong partner appear financially incompability, it is important that respect prevail and you open yourself to third party intervention from your religious institutions, your financial institutions, or from couples whose financial acumen you respect.
I know it is not easy to ask these questions, but do know that they are essential.
Frugalistas: What questions will you ask and answer before he puts a ring on it?
This is great advice, so many people do not like to talk about money before marriage but so many divorce because of money.
Thank you Ladyl, I know. That is the crazy thing. I think we watch too much Disney growing up :). But marriage is beautiful but it is not a fairytale, especially when finances are strained.