When you are grown, meaning comfortable with your “brand” whether you are the God-fearing church type, the vegan Buddhist, the free-spirited artist or environmentalist, the marketing executive that loves international travel and high-end luxury good or anything in between, there are just some dating tips that do not apply to you because you are know who you are, what you want out of life, and what you want in a partner.

 If you are in fact grown, take a good look at this list so you can remember which advice to ignore J:

Don’t Talk About Politics, Religion, or Anything “Too Heavy” on the First Date:  When you are grown, regardless of your age, you have dedicated a lot of your time thinking and developing your financial, spiritual, political, sexual, and professional identities. Within these identities reside your core values and beliefs.  So, when you come to a date, expecting you not to talk about topics that are important to you is asking you to leave a part of yourself at home. Many grown folk, open to love,  actually find intellectual banter, the sharing of ideas and passion, refreshing. Conversely, shallow conversations about pop culture, sports, and fashion, do nothing to help you be understood or to stand-out from the dating pool.

The Three-Day or Three-Date Rule (For the Grown Men): There are various versions of this “three-day” or “three-date” rule: wait three days after meeting her to call; wait three days before agreeing to see her again if you already had a date, wait three dates before you kiss her. The list could go on and on. But for the grown man dealing with the grown woman, they have a completely different operating system. They are taking time out of their busy schedules with a goal of connection and have lived long enough to know that chemistry of that individual couple dictates the next steps, not a universal

 Ordering Skinny Food From The Menu(For Grown Ladies): Ladies, a simple salad with the dressing on the side and you are not eating from the breadbasket? Really? Well, grown women do not play with their food. I am not saying they go all in with elbows to the side and have  swift and frequent rotations of the fork to the mouth. What I am saying is that grown women do not equate little, itty, bitty eating with femininity. They order what looks interesting, are open to suggestions, and do not mind sharing their dishes with their new friend. And besides, if you have been blessed with beautiful, bountiful, and juicy curves, he and you both know that a steady diet of soup and salad cannot take credit for all of that.

Don’t Talk About Past Relationships: Many grown folk have children from past relationships and have survived divorces, separations, and the like. And this is something to be proud about, and even worthy of sharing during the beginning dates if the topic comes up. Out of respect for themselves and their former partners, grown folk won’t share all of the sordid details that brought the demise of their past relationships, they focus on the positive. They share what they learned about themselves, how they have grown, and what they might have done differently, and what they plan to do differently in the next relationship.

 Only Frequent Certain Places to Find Mr. or Ms. Right: How many times have you heard that if you are looking for Mr. Right or Ms. Right, you need frequent certain places like church, museums, and family get-togethers? Grown folk know, however, that men and women looking for love are everywhere you look around, living their lives.  In polling my grown girlfriends, they have met viable candidates for love while grocery shopping, while chilling at cafes, on the train, at a bookstore, while jogging, or even while sitting on a park bench catching a little bit of sun. I even know a couple of people that have met their partners on Craigslist, despite the bad press it gets.

  Keep Your Wardrobe Updated with the Latest and Newest, Maybe it’s because I’m grown and frugal, but blowing your rent money or vacation money to impress a new date is not something that grown folk need to do. In fact, a grown man or woman already knows what looks good on him or her and have faith in their personal style.  They select their go-to outfits—the ones that make them feel sexy, confident, and comfortable when making new connections. If anything, grown folk may want to add an accessory or select one or two pieces to complement what they already have in their closets.

Frugalistas:  Are you grown? What other relationship advice does not apply to you?