Is a Financially Fit Man Hard to Find? Let’s Discuss! Part II

9Vanessa is dropping some serious love and money science with this post and the previous one. Keep reading to find out what she learned about love and money…the hard way.


Now, I love designer items just like the next girl, but I had a man who loved designer items more than I did.


Can you see where I’m going with this?


My man loved shopping and spending money.  He knew all the best places to shop.  He knew the name of every designer car along with every make and model.  He knew the car dealers by first name.  He knew how to work the system for his needs.  Little did I know, he was working me too!  I was spending money that I didn’t have.



The Basics

We met at a Meet N’ Greet Mixer in the City. He drove a Cadillac Escalade and lived in a beautiful apartment in New Jersey.  I thought to myself, “Thank you, God.  My prayers have been answered.”


We started off with him sweeping me off me feet.  He took me to places to eat in the City; restaurants that I had never been to.  I met rich and famous people that he knew in the entertainment and music industry.  I was treated like royalty.  We talked about marriage and moving to the South to build our lives.  I was very happy.


Okay, Okay, I did get caught up in the fanfare.  But I started noticing that I was taking money from my mad money accounts to stay in the finest clothes, bags, and jewels.


Cash, Clothes, Cars

I was being foolish, but I couldn’t stop myself.  My friends and family were worried about me and my new spending habits.  After a few months, he lost the car, then the apartment, and then his job.  We moved in together and I helped finance a new car for him.  I was worried that he was going through a depression so I planned trips for us to get away.  I asked him about his savings, cash deposits (CDs) or even money market accounts.  He said he had none.  I kept thinking to myself that if I were in this situation, he would stick it out with me.  So, I financed the relationship and made the best of it.  Little did I know, he was scoping out his next victim…a woman with more money and the ability to help him get back on his feet.


The Bottom Line

Needless to say, I was crushed to find out that he was an opportunist and a womanizer. He left me with all the bills for the apartment and his car note.  In retrospect, I really didn’t know this person all that well.  I told myself that the next time I start financing a relationship, it will be with my husband.



Frugal Feministas—Do you think a financially fit man is hard to find? There are so many nuggets and bits of inspiration in this piece? What resonates the most for you?



Look out for Part III of “Is a Financially Fit Man Hard to Find? Let’s Discuss!” Vanessa has one more lesson to share about money, men, and love.


Vanessa Gary is the founder of Butterly Noire, a boutique etiquette coaching firm.

[info_box type=”alert_box”]If you want to practice self-care, you have to care for your finances.  My book, The Happy Finances Challenge, is designed to help you learn to make money decisions that will lead to long-term financial happiness in just 42 days.  [/info_box]




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