Know When to Hold’em, Know When to Fold ’em

10A friend of mine was recently lamenting to me about their relationship. They were talking about how they’re feeling disconnected from their partner. To protect the innocent, this person shall remain nameless; as a matter of fact let’s call her “Nameless”. Nameless is a serious relationship-type of person. But often, quickly finds herself bored with the person she is committed to. On this particular occasion she was telling me that when it comes time to spend quality, intimate time she finds herself uninterested, often rolling her eyes at the prospect or coming up excuses to avoid spending the time. She is seriously considering ending the relationship. My response to her was if she really cares about the person and truly wants to spend the rest of her life with them, that type of thing is going to happen. Forever is a mighty long time. And when you are in a relationship with the same person, day in and day out, everyday for years, there will be times when you feel disconnected. It’s par for the course and it happens to the best of us.

And the feeling isn’t just limited to romantic relationships, why do you think siblings fight so much?? My sister and I used to bicker all the time. It was because we spent sooo  much time together. We couldn’t get away from each other for more than a few hours  at a time. But we also love each other and that was without question; she’s one of my best friends. However,  love isn’t always a part of the equation: I recently left a job that I spent a lot of time feeling disconnected from. Like my friend in the relationship, I often found my job to be eye-roll worthy.  It bored me, I was tired of it and was resentful of feeling stuck there. I needed a paycheck so I was grateful to have a job, but I did not love it or even really like it anymore. In my instance, it was obviously time to move on. In my friend’s circumstance it wasn’t that clear-cut.

Determining whether or not to make a major change in your life isn’t always an easy thing to do. Usually, there’s a lot at stake. Making the wrong decision can have long-term consequences. When I left my job, I was fortunate enough to move into a position that has been very fulfilling to me. But I was definitely nervous and anxious before I started the new position because I had no way of being sure it would be a good move. Of course it sounded good on paper, but you never really know if it fits until you are in it. My advice to my friend that day was to stay and work it out. Push through the plateau and get to the next level. I happen to know that her partner is a good person and is good to her. So I believe this situation is one worth fighting for.

In life, growth is dependent upon change. And we all deserve – no – owe it to ourselves to grow. There will be times when you do have to walk away from something in the past or present. Sometimes the consequence of staying is greater than the consequence of going. It’s important for us to make life decisions based upon knowing when to stay and fight, and when to walk away. The answer is  usually uncovered through a little bit of self examination. Good solid decision making is based upon self awareness, patience and courage. When that isn’t enough, you have to just trust your gut instinct. Listen to that little voice inside that lets you know when to hold’em, when to fold ’em and when to walk away.

Are you in a situation that you feel is no longer serving you? It can be difficult to tell when something really should be over or if in fact it’s just your perspective that needs to change.  How do you decide whether to stick it out or move on to the next thing?

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