Learning to treat me, like I treat them!

23“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked.

Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise L. Hay


Do you agree with the following statements?:

We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others.  

We often forgive others for mistakes before we forgive our own mistakes.

We will accept the flaws in others, but refuse to accept our own.


I agree and at one point I could’ve very easily changed the “we” to “I”.  For years, I was told I was too hard on myself.  I am not sure where I learned to be so critical of myself, but I had to fix it quick.  I needed to learn to have self-compassion.  Self-Compassion is defined as the ability to extend compassion to one’s self.  Being compassionate means having the ability to have sympathy for others; the desire to understand other people’s problems and wanting to help them.  I had to understand my own problems, I had to want to do something about them and I had to make it a priority and here’s why:

It was hurting my relationshipsI was tearing myself down, almost daily.  I surrounded myself with positive, loving people.  They wouldn’t tolerate anyone else tearing me down, so they refused to tolerate me doing it to myself.

It was abuse-I am not sure if it would be verbal or emotional, maybe both, but it was abuse all the same.  Abuse in any form can have long-lasting effects on a person’s self-esteem.  There are enough external influences than can negatively affect our self-esteem, why add to it?

It’s a part of self-loveLearning to truly love yourself can be one of the most difficult things to do.  A big component of love is showing kindness;  I can’t love myself if I can’t be kind to myself.

Think about the advice we give our friends, coworkers and children.  We show understanding, kindness and allow them to be flawed.  It is important to extend the same courtesy to yourself.  Judgement and criticism will come with little to no effort, make an effort to encourage and forgive yourself.  Be careful with your words when you speak to yourself.  Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend.  Treat yourself the way you treat them.  

Feministas, are you harder on yourself or on others?  Do you think self-compassion is taught in the Black community?
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