Frustrated and annoyed, no matter how many times I have tried to clean and organize my apartment I found myself in the midst of clutter. As I spent more time cleaning and organizing, I received less than favorable results. Always being left with areas that could use a little more tidying up. For a while, I would comfort myself with the thought, “It’s okay, I just have to deal with the clutter until I move into a bigger apartment”.
Truly believing more space would help solve the problem. But I was already in a bigger space. I used to live in a single room and now I had an entire apartment to myself. I didn’t need more space. I just had. Too. Much. Stuff. How did it come to be this way? How did I get to this point? As I looked inward, I couldn’t deny the strong but elusive presence of my inner child. The one who held onto feelings of despair each time her parents denied her requests for the things she wanted. Though all my needs were met, I still felt a sense of dissatisfaction because I wasn’t able to have all of what I wanted. As a young child I told myself, “When I start earning my own money, I will buy myself whatever I want”.
This mindset somehow morphed into an emotional attachment to material possessions later on in adulthood. Yes, it felt great to finally have the authority to choose what I can and can’t have; however, what value did these material possessions add to my life? All this stuff once gave me the illusion of happiness. It once represented wholeness, having it all together, and success.
Now as I am on this minimalist journey, I am forced to reconsider the values of the things I’ve once felt strongly attached to. Much of which have suddenly begun to feel like dead weight. This leaves me with one conclusion: It is time to let go.I have begun the process, but it isn’t an easy one. It is not easy to undo years of telling myself, “You deserve this.” It isn’t easy having to let go of stuff I have formed a strong sense of attachment to. Nonetheless, I have begun the journey. Sorting through my possessions and coming to terms with one more item I need to let go. The more I allow myself to let go, the more I feel free.
Free from the emotional bondage that once lead me to believe happiness was defined in being able to hold onto things. I have found it interesting how facing external challenges forces us to look inward? I never would have thought seeking the answer on how to eliminate clutter would allow me to feel spiritually free. Venturing off on this journey towards minimalism has compelled me to seek spiritual fulfillment rather than to seek fulfillment through holding on to material things.
Want to learn more about minimalism from various brown girls? My girl, Yolanda over at The Black Minimalists compiled a free ebook called Simply Black. You should download it.
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