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Should You Go Into Debt for an Out of Network Therapist?

It was September 2015. I was three months pregnant and having all day sickness. The sight of my husband made me mad and his smell drove me crazy. To make matters worse, I was also three months into a new position that was making me doubt my passion for my work. The toxic work culture was taking its toll; I reduced myself to survival mode. I fully stopped getting my hair done or ironing my clothes, but I pushed myself to bathe, enough though that was a battle.

I cried all the time: in the shower, in the car, and on my way home.

Despite all of these stresses, I continued to beat-up on myself, “Stop crying, Kara. What do you have to cry about? Just woman-up and push through.” But the bottom was clearly dropping out.

Still, denial allowed me to function a little longer. That is, until I found myself spending my Christmas vacation alone on my couch desperately searching Psychology Today for emergency counseling.

My Out-of-Network Experience

My first day of therapy started in mid-January 2016. I worked with Toni – a young, kind therapist who gave me the right amount of push and support. But she was also out-of-network. This meant that she was expensive. My health insurance would only partially foot the bill for my sessions because, technically, I could have received similar services from the many in-network counselors and therapists.

Very few of the therapists I reached out to returned my call for an initial appointment. And with those that did, I didn’t feel a connection. There was no chemistry. I didn’t feel that I could trust, confide in, or feel vulnerable with them, so making progress would have been virtually impossible.

How Much Does Therapy Cost?

When I finally made the decision to work with Toni, I had to call my health insurance provider to crunch the numbers. Each 60-minute session cost $150. I had a $150 deductible, and insurance was willing to pay $55 for each of my sessions. So I had to pay $95 out-of-pocket each session, which amounted to $380 a month.

I religiously attended therapy for 11 months, which meant a total of $4,180 for therapy. And it could have been worse – without insurance, I would have had to pay $7,200. But on the other hand, if I had chosen one of the therapists from my network – which had a co-pay of $15 – I would have only had to pay $660 in total.

Cost of Therapy at a Glance

Therapy without insurance: $7,200

Therapy with insurance (out-of-network therapist): $4,180

Therapy with insurance (in-network therapist): $660

How Much is Too Much?

From the little nudges she would give me to come in when I was feeling discouraged to the continued support that she still provides even though I no longer see her, I would have to say the only thing that I lost in this situation was money.

I know it sounds obnoxious to write that as many of us struggle with a range of competing expenses – from rent to groceries. But when I made a commitment to investing in my mental health and emotional happiness, I literally had to put my money where my mouth was.

[Tweet “I liken the process of looking for a therapist to that of looking for a partner.”] While it would have been nice if my husband were independently wealthy, it wasn’t necessary for love. Similarly, I would have been ecstatic to find an in-network therapist that I loved. But I didn’t.

The experience of finding a therapist helped me to truly understand the difference between cost and worth. Cost is the dollar amount that we place on a service. Worth is a little deeper, and extremely personal. Since I valued my emotional and mental health – and realized that I needed support in reestablishing my self-respect and identity – I knew that choosing the more expensive option would make the most sense for me and for my goals.

How Therapy Eventually Paid for Itself

Through my inner work, I cultivated the courage to establish and maintain boundaries. I also gained a deep level of respect for my feelings, an awareness of my passions, and a deep trust in my ability to make the best decisions for my own life and for my newborn baby.

In concrete terms, between the time that I started therapy and the time I ended it, I left my toxic position at work and found a new one where I was valued for my contributions; nearly doubled my revenue and client base for my personal business; and felt better in my own skin.

So, should you go a little broke for your mental health? My answer: yes.

You can see this post here on Centsai.com.

[info_box type=”alert_box”]If you want to practice self-care, you have to care for your finances.  My book, The Happy Finances Challenge, is designed to help you learn to make money decisions that will lead to long-term financial happiness in just 42 days. [/info_box]

Author Bio

Kara Stevens, founder of The Frugal Feminista, is the bestselling author of Heal Your Relationship with Money and two transformative books in her financial self-care series. A leading voice in financial wellness, Kara empowers women of color to heal financial trauma, build lasting wealth, and embrace abundance with confidence. Her work has been featured by Time, Forbes, and The Washington Post, inspiring women worldwide to rewrite their money stories. Follow Kara on LinkedIn and Instagram.

Heal Your Relationship With Money

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