Over the last month, I had a number of bills to pay, some were related to my personal life and others were related to The Frugal Feminista .
I realized that despite having the money to pay the bills, I felt a sense of tension in my belly when they came. I felt a sense of worry. I even felt a bit upset that I had to pay them.
When I caught myself catching an attitude, I began to wonder, “Where did these feelings come from?” “Why do I feel this way?”
When I reflected on it, I realized that a childhood growing up with a single parent that struggled to pay the bills made me an anxious and avoidance-prone adult when it came to paying the bills despite the wherewithal to do so.
I also believed that it comes from exposure and overexposure to songs that are laced with ambivalent, if not negative feelings about having to pay for certain goods and services to support yourself, like, “Aint Nothing Going On But the Rent,” and “Can You Pay My Bills?”
But then I had to realize that this mindset— resentment about paying for items that improve the quality of my life— would definitely limit the amount of money that I would earn in the long run. I think this mindset would also make me unnecessarily ungrateful about the things that actually bring me joy.
Here is what I mean. If I get salty about paying for a course to improve my writing and ultimately decide not to take the course, my writing skills won’t improve and I could stall the progress of my business and, ironically, leave a lot of money on the table from prospective clients.
Similarly, if I continually get irritated when my phone bill comes, I simultaneously lose sight of the quality of life and joy that my phone brings: I get to call my friends, check my email, comment on blogs, read ebooks, and tweet, among other fun things.
So, the first step in shifting my mindset about paying my bills is first ask myself,
“Why am I getting upset that I have to pay my bills?” the next time my bills roll around. The second step will be to remind myself that even though I grew up in a household where there wasn’t much to go around, I am now an adult with a different relationship with the ability to pay my bills.
In other words, every month that my bills come in is a chance for me to update my money story and narrative. This practice will help me usher in my new abundance mindset and ultimately bring me enough money where, ironically enough, paying bills will be a non-issue.
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If you need deeper work around healing your relationship with money or overcoming your blocks
and fears, maybe it’s time for some money therapy.