When looking for love, it is important that HE not only be Mr. Right, but he also be Mr. Responsible in matters of love, especially when it comes to money.
For Fabulous N’ Frugal’s three-part series, Your Man and Your Money, 3 Financial Losers to Avoid, we will explore three archetypes of financial losers that we should avoid when dating, ‘Toine the Deadbeat, Maurice The Miser, and Andre the Extravagant.
I unfortunately have wasted emotionally energy and time in many of these financial losers and I want you to learn from my experiences.
Type #1: ‘Toine, short for Antoine: Fabulous N’ Frugal’s name for the deadbeat, broke down dude that mooches off of his women and friends. He may give a sob story or manipulate a situation to his financial advantage. This is the dude that you end up taking to Judge Mathis and Judge Judy about outstanding loans, which he will adamantly claim was a “gift.”
Money Mindset of ‘Toine
‘Toine is a user and a predator. He believes that others, especially women, should take care of him. He tries to exploit situations to his advantage and will try to test your financial leniency from the beginning. He usually has a sketchy job history, is impulsive, is usually lazy, and tries to find easy, quick ways to make a lot of money. He is materialistic and covetous of what others have.
How ‘Toine Manipulates Women
He may pay for the first date, but may then ask you to casually pick him up things from stores without paying you back once you start seeing each other more frequently. Once he sees that you are willing to pay for little things, he will begin to test you even further. He may start asking about how much money you make because he is trying to figure out how he can separate you from your hard earned money. If you allow it and continue to see him romantically, he will start having you pay for things because he has forgotten his wallet or will “pay you back once he gets his next check.”
‘Toine has NO problem having you buy him furniture, borrowing your car, or asking for money once he feels that you are invested in the relationship that, funny enough, has not been clearly established as committed or exclusive.
‘Toine Meets Kara: A True Story
(Cue my Sophia voice from the Golden Girls)
Picture this… Hollis, Queens, 2005, your girl Kara was dating this guy who was sexy, charming, and witty or so she thought. They met at a Haitian supper club. He was a great dancer, light hearted, and liked to have fun. On their first date, she listened attentively and sympathetically as he shared the perils of his most recent break-up.
“What happened?” Kara inquired.
“She…she tried to control me with money.” He responded sheepishly.
“What do you mean?” Kara probed. “What did she do?”
”Well, I was having some financial difficulty and she lent me some money. But she started getting controlling after she gave me the money. She started to get possessive and always wanted to know where I was.”
“Was she older?” Kara asked.
“Yeah.” He replied.
Kara shook her head in solidarity but in the back of her head, she thought that something did not quite add up about ‘Toine’s story. But she shrugged it off because it was their first date and she was happy to be dating a cute, great dancer.
Fast forward four months later.
“How come you don’t buy me anything?” ‘Toine asked Kara while over the phone.
“I’m sorry. What?” Kara blinked really hard while pressing her ear harder to the phone as if blinking really hard would help her hear him more clearly.
“Yeah, how come you don’t buy me anything? You never take me shopping. You never offer to buy me clothes or shoes.”
The summer air quickly turned into a stabbing chill. Before she replied, she paused.
“Listen, ‘Toine. There is NO reason for me to ever take you shopping. You are a grown ass man, who, more importantly, is not even MY man. We are just doing this thing right here, nothing serious. There is no way that I will give you money. Why would you even ask me for money? And more importantly, if anyone is going to be going a shopping spree, it should be YOU taking ME.
“I was just playing, girl…” he said.
“Funny” Kara replied dryly.
Needless to say, Frugalistas, Kara ignored all of ‘Toine’s calls and to this day knows not of his whereabouts. He probably has moved on to some unsuspecting women with low self-esteem and deep pockets to exploit.
Frugalistas: Do you know a ‘Toine? How did you keep his grimy sticky fingers out of your purse?