by Monique Halley
Bottom line, relationships are huge investments. We pour ourselves into them. We need to feel like we’re getting something back. If you’re not, then something needs to change. And you’re the only one who can figure out what that change needs to be.
If you are in this situation, I suggest using the cost-benefit analysis. This is a straight-forward decision making tool. Yes, I know that this is an unconventional approach to making a relationship based decision. However, the analysis will give you a greater sense of clarity so you can make an informed decision.
First lets look at what constitute a cost verses a benefit:
- costs of a relationship are those things that we see as negative: such as the negatives of a partner and the effort put into a relationship: your partner being needy, having annoying habits etc… or you being emotionally drained, impacted physically( i.e headaches),weight( gained or loss) mental impact( i.e depression), time invested, money spent and so on.
- benefits of a relationship are those things that we see as positive: desirable personality traits, physical attractiveness, how we feel when we are around him, having support, creating a family, great companionship, financial gain, happiness, having needs met etc…
This is an opportunity for you to write down all that has been on your mind, which made things more difficult to figure out. You will be surprised at the different thoughts that shows up. Seeing things on paper will help you clear the mental clutter.
Cost-Benefit Analysis Exercise:
Get a pen & paper or open up a word doc and complete this activity on your computer. You can list as many points as you want. Since it is from your point of view, don’t worry about your partner being offended. He shouldn’t be looking at your list anyway; at least not now.
These are 2 part questions. Here are the steps:
- Create 2 columns:
- Label them cost & benefit
- In the 1st column: list what it’s costing you to stay in your relationship.
- In the 2nd column: list all the benefits you are gaining from staying in the relationship.
Other questions to consider:
- Is the cost something you are comfortable with?
- What are possible benefits of leaving?
- Do you feel like the other person is as invested in you as you are them? Are you comfortable with that?
Now compare the results. Whether you should stay or not, has to be a clear decision. Only when you have clarity, will you willingly accept whatever decision you arrive at.
- If you feel the benefits outweighs the cost, then staying is the obvious choice. You will have to take personal responsibility and communicate to your partner the areas you feel are costing you and hopefully as a couple you can work them out.
- If the cost outweighs the benefits, then it’s time to let go of your relationship and start preparing a plan to leave.
If you have any questions about this exercise, please leave a comment below and I will be happy to answer them.
I offer 1:1 coaching for women who are ready to release an unhappy relationship. Contact me HERE and let me know, you connected with me via this blog post and you will receive 50% off your 1st session.
With Love & Gratitude,
Monique is the founder of Simply Bliss, a personal development company for women, with a focus on relationship clarity. Sessions are offered vi & in-person for women who want to release unhealthy relationships, heal from broken ones and learn to love again. Get immediate access to a free relationship worksheet. Sign-up here: http://bit.ly/freeworksheetdownload
Learn more about Monique’s work at: http://www.relationshipclaritycoaching.com/my-work/
Connected with Monique at her favorite spot to be social: instagram.com/simplyblissliving