A friend of mine told me she had something of an “Aha” moment when she read a recent post of mine. I’d made a distinction between self-esteem and self-worth.
About 5 years ago, I went to a therapist to work on some personal issues. This therapist annoyed me for many reasons, but she annoyed me the most because within 20 minutes, she told me I had no self-esteem. Being a clinician myself, I was like, “What is wrong with this woman? Who says that?!” I argued back with her and said, “First of all, I do have self-esteem *rolls eyes*. I have absolutely no issues with knowing how wonderful I am.” I concluded with, “Furthermore, self-esteem exists on a spectrum. You don’t have self-esteem or not. It’s a matter of degree!”
I went home annoyed. It lingered in my mind as I was trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with me. Most people will tell you that I’m one of the most confident people they know, but there was something I couldn’t quite put my finger on… I knew she wasn’t right, but there was a surface there I wanted to scratch.
It would be about 4 years later, as I was preparing a lecture for a Personality Psychology course, that it hit me that my issue wasn’t self-esteem at all. It was self-worth. Due to limitations of the English language and the fact that the words are often used interchangeably, we think they are the same. But for some psychological theorists, self-esteem represents your global evaluation of self, whereas self-worth represents what you believe your value is—the respect you think you are worthy of. While they are two sides of the same coin, the latter speaks to how you think others should treat you.
Pantene recently did a video called,“Not Sorry.” The video highlights the fact that many women are socialized to apologize for no reason at all. We even start conversations with, “Sorry, but can I ask you a question?”
It also plays out in our obsessive and innumerable “Thank yous.” Of course, “thank you” is a social custom—one I highly value—but we thank people for listening to us or for going out with us, as though it is a gift we don’t really deserve.
Self-worth is a matter of what you think you deserve in social interactions—be it on the job, in friendships,or romantic partnerships.
These questions about self-worth are there to help you stop and reflect on who you are and help you connect back to the person you truly are. Many of us, myself included, have by my own experience that too many of us, particularly women, perpetually end up carrying too much for too long a time to see our value clearly. This list will help you to discover your beliefs of limitation, fight self-doubt, and set up the confidence to honor your voice, needs, and boundaries.
Whether you’re on your journey of loving yourself, or facing emotional healing, or even personal growth, these simple yet powerful words to yourself will lead to further feelings of worthiness and inner peace.
The Top 100 Questions About Self-Worth
- Pay attention to how many times you say, “sorry,” in a day. Ask yourself why you are even saying sorry. Have you really done something wrong, or is it because you think your presence is an intrusion or that you might not be worthy of the attention called for in the moment, so you attempt to make yourself smaller?
- Pay attention to how many times you say, “sorry,” in a day. Are you grateful and surprised, or does it come from a lesser place that says, “I almost don’t feel comfortable with this grace or worthy of this gift”
- Examine whether you are in relationships where you would like to be treated better but think, “Well, this is better than nothing.” “He wasn’t there for me when I was grieving the loss of a loved one, but at least he pays the bills.”
- Recall whether there were times when you wanted to speak up (e.g., negotiate a higher salary, for instance), but thought, “Who am I to ask for more?”
- “What was behind keeping people in your life longer than you should have?”
- Do you apologize for taking up space in the conversation or presenting in the meeting? Investigate your instinct to apologize and ask yourself: Is your apology a manifestation of humility or some unconscious feeling that you must not speak out of consideration for others?
- Get your ego stroked when you get a pat on the back? Ask yourself, is modesty serving you, or has it evolved into a protection for you that needs to be dispensed with if you are to express your greatness fully?
- Have you sacrificed relationships, friendships, jobs, that cause you to shrink to be accepted? Is conformity at the expense of individuality and respect?
- Have you ever patted yourself on the back without any other person’s permission? If you can’t name a moment, look closely into what it is about self-recognition that causes it to be this uncomfortable.
- Do you define your value in terms of your productivity? Find out if you value yourself for performance or simply for existing.
- If you don’t want to “burden them,” do you not get the help you need? Remember, to look for help does not mean you are weak; it means you are human and connected.
- When someone does not meet your expectations, do you automatically judge yourself? Ask yourself that question and find out whether that is accountability or just not caring for yourself.
- Have you ever sold yourself short out of fear of being alone? If you are feeling lonely, then turn to where you find yourself now and ask yourself what it would feel like if you felt worthy of more.
- Do you trust your intuition, or are you one of those who doubt themselves frequently? Your inner voice is a guide; go figure out what prevented you from listening to it.
- Go back to your childhood, do you remember your parents smiling at you for who you were or just what you did? Once you discover that difference, you learn how that sense of worth was developed so early.
- So what are the things that you feel you should be worthy of love?
- When is the last time you said no without an explanation?
- Do you look for approval from those who don’t approve of much?
- How does it feel to have a confident body?
- Have you ever bitten your tongue from expressing yourself because you were trying to avoid conflict, even when you were hurt?
- How do you react when somebody does something to you with a boundary?
- Have confidence that you can make good decisions?
- Last time you made a promise to yourself, when?
- Do you feel that your needs are as important as the needs of other people?
- Do you just brush it off if you are complimented?
- Can you be comfortable by yourself with your thoughts?
- What stories from your own history or own appearance are you carrying with you that make you feel like a nobody?
- The way to answer that question is to say, “When was the last time you were proud of yourself?”
- Do you use your peer approval in regard to self-esteem?
- Have you forgiven yourself for the bygones?
- How do you define success, not what society thinks success is?
- Do you compare your experience to others’ experiences?
- What are the things that you look for in emotional safety
- So do you allow yourself to rest without any feeling of guilt?
- How long has it been since you have been seen and accepted?
- Do you celebrate the small things that have been accomplished successfully, or do you reserve yourself until you can claim the great stuff to the world?
- What does unconditional self-love mean to you?
- Have you ever rejected a compliment because you didn’t like it?
- The question is, when you don’t perform, do you believe that you are enough?
- What boundaries have you been afraid to transgress?
- When was the last time that you had a good feeling with nothing to achieve?
- Do you enjoy speaking to yourself in your head while commuting in your car or doing the dishes, as if you deserve it?
- How do you defeat rejection – internalise or move on?
- Do you believe you are worthy of being rich and comfortable?
- Have you ever confused attention with affection?
- And so, how do you console yourself when you fail?
- Do you spend time on your emotional health?
- Is the silence quiet or agitated for you?
- Have you learnt how to say no without guilt?
- In your opinion, is vulnerability a strength or weakness?
- If anything goes wrong, what do you tell yourself?
- Do you hold yourself in place on the basis of your relationships?
- The fact that you know it means that you have outgrown people, but you are not taking a step away from them.
- When was the last time you did something for yourself?
- Do you feel like going out and communicating your needs?
- How do you respond when you are complimented?
- Do you allow unlimited enrolment in the dream
- Have you ever felt like you do not deserve good things?
- Do you feel guilty that you are focusing on yourself?
- What are your fears about imagining success?
- Kind to others but not kind to yourself?
- Are you unwilling to accept help when it is offered?
- When’s the last time that you really relaxed?
- Do you feel that you have a strong voice?
- How do you define the concept of love?
- Is self-care to you a necessity or a desire?
- Have you ever held yourself back from opportunities because you were afraid of failure?
- Do you tell your truth even if you don’t feel comfortable doing it?
- Have you forgiven yourself truly for what?
- Still go out and get people’s approval who didn’t believe you.
- Do you live the life you want to or the life you are expected to live?
- What do you feel that you deserve in Life and Love?
- Do you view mistakes as evidence of failure or growth?
- How do you react when you have had your limits crossed?
- Are you proud of yourself, whatever you’re turning into?
- Do you believe that happiness is the creation for a lifetime?
- The last time you took the time to listen to your intuition?
- Do you think that peace is your birthright?
- Have you learnt how to detach worth from a job?
- Do you feel empowered when making financial decisions?
- For example, just like the affirmative and negative additive words, in this one, you will need to say what three things you love about yourself today.
- Are you thankful to the Almighty for the person that is being developed in your heart?
- When’s the last time you said “I’m proud of you”?
- Have you ever confused being needed with being valued?
- Are you ok at expressing your feelings without any reserve?
- Are You Living Your Truth or Someone Else’s Expectation?
- Rest, do you rest & don’t deserve it?
- Emotionally, what does it mean to be free to you?
- Have you emancipated yourself with a compassionate release from Ego traps?
- Do you praise where you do things well, or not do things because you don’t have
- When was the last time that you were in an emotionally aware state yourself?
- How do you know if you are being a self-saboteur?
- Are you prepared to be as easily loved as you love?
- Can you believe that you deserve a peaceful existence even in desecration?
- What are the narratives to be switched about you?
- Do you think you can start over when you are ready?
- And when was the last time you had proper laughs, heh, no holding back?
- Have you learned to love your imperfections?
- By the way, do you know the difference between settling and accepting?
- Are you proud of how far you have come in life?
- Do you leave room for joy in your day-to-day life?
- The last time you felt really worthy, the way you are?
- Or are you as compassionate to yourself as to the person you have to deal with?
- Still seeking the validation of external sources that you are not enough?
- What is it you feel you need to forgive yourself for now?
- When you think about the ideal you, what does she have (think) of her value?
