Hi Feministas! Were continuing our three-part series on Saying No Like a Boss.
Acknowledge was the first step. Did you acknowledge all of the times that you wanted to say no? Was it surprising how often you wanted to say no to someone or something? Or did you notice that the desire to say no only crept in with certain people or situations? Now that you have awareness of when you want to say no it’s time for step two. Ask.
You need to ask yourself these 4 Must Ask Questions to move towards Saying No Like a Boss.
1.What’s my first reaction to this question?
Without thinking, just reacting, is your first thought I don’t want to do that? Or is it fear or dread? Nervousness and excitement? What’s the first reaction you have when asked to do something?
2. How will this help or hurt me?
Sometimes the answers are clear about the ways you’ll be helped or hurt. Othertimes it takes more time to consider. For example I was trying to schedule a meeting with someone interested in our corporate consulting services. I thought I could squeeze in the time to an already full day. But when I asked myself how this will hurt me I paused and realized that accepting that appointment time would cause a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. I would need to rush from meeting to meeting and then I’d be frazzled and irritated by the time I picked up my kids from school. Asking myself this simple question, how will this help or hurt me, helped me realize that I needed to say no and find another meeting time (which we did!).
3. What are the consequences of saying no?
There are consequences to all decisions. Some consequences are easier to live with than others. What’s the consequence of saying no now?
4. If I say yes, can I do so without resentment?
This is a big one. We often say yes and then are stressed and annoyed and bitter because we really didn’t want to do it in the first place. The ripple effect is like water dripping on a stone. You don’t notice anything for a while but then you start to see the impact and the damage that happens. Imagine everytime you do something that you don’t want to. When the resentment seeps in who do you take it out on? Who gets your frustrations and irritability? The person who asked you? The people at home? It’s usually the people we love most who bear the brunt of our resentment. Not only does it hurt us but it hurts them and our relationship with them.
Now that you’ve answered these questions it will be easier to know what to do and when to say no. Change is a process and it takes time. We’re in this together so we’ll practice as much as we need to! Let us know what’s working for you and what’s hard for you when saying no.
This is part 2 in a 3-part series. Next time we’ll give a script, word for word of what to actually say when you’re saying no.
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