I started dating when I was fifteen. I got married at thirty-two. That means that I spent over half of my life interacting with the opposite sex. I learned a lot. A-L-O-T. My dating history coupled with my passion for personal finance coach and girl power has molded some strong beliefs about men and money.
So, if you were ever wondering, one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to love and money is cheap men. Seriously. I mean, seriously. There is nothing worse in my book.
But my years of experience have given me the insight to detect that not every man that is tight with his wallet is cheap. He may actually be a keeper because he has a healthy relationship with money. He’s not cheap. He is financially responsible.
Here are a few ways to distinguish between financially responsible men and their no-good, bootleg cheapo counterparts.
Price vs. Value:
Cheap men speak in terms of price; financially responsible speak in terms of value. A cheap man will always find the price of something expensive no matter what the quality, the features, the level of convenience or improved quality of life it would bring. Nothing in the eyes of a cheap man is ever “really worth it.” (Sidenote: Despite it “not being worth it”, he has NO problem accepting it as a gift.)
On the other hand, a financially responsible man can objectively see why a product or service may be priced the way it is and still decide that he will pass on the purchase because it is not that important to him.
Hoarding vs. Handling:
Cheap men hoard and hide the money; they tend to be risk-averse and would prefer to hide money in the lining of his mama’s fur coat than to spend it or invest it to buy something meaningful or to plan for the future. Financially responsible men, on the other hand, handle their money. They invest and envision. For example, financially responsible men may decide to save their money to purchase a home, invest in an index fund, set themselves up for retirement, or start their own businesses.
Treating Themselves vs. Treating Others:
Cheap men are selfish. They have a scarcity mindset and only believe that there is enough for them. They don’t buy gifts for others; they don’t tip well; they lie about being broke to avoid chipping in. In other words, they are not generous when it comes to opening their wallets to show largesse to those that they claim to love. Financially responsible men, conversely, don’t mind showing their romantic companion a lavish time from time to time. They plan for splurge so they do not get sidetracked from their long-term financial goals. Similarly, they do not squeeze the last bit of service out of waitresses, department store workers, or cashiers
If you’re waiting for a sign that it’s time to make a change, consider this it. You and your boo should start Healing your Relationship with Money and maybe get some money therapy.
So Frugal Feministas, what say you? Are you dating a cheapo or a Mr. Responsible?