She’s not a negative person. In fact her positivity is otherwise infectious. This was just the habitual way in which she experienced and spoke about herself. From previous conversations I knew that this sense of “difficultness,’’ and “being different,” was more pervasive than it sounded in this one statement. So, I said, “ORRRR you could say, I tend to over think things some times.”
Suspecting that it resonated with her, I asked, “Doesn’t, ‘I’m difficult,’ feel different from, ‘I tend to overthink things some times’?” The way she looked at me in the space between my having said so, and asking the follow up question, I knew it had. Relief was offered in the last statement as there is a suggestion of manageability—“this can be changed”.
Why The Story You Tell Matters
It might not seem a big deal what stories you tell about yourself, but there are indeed two reasons you want to be mindful of the stories you tell. For one, these messages stay active in your subconscious and become apart of the fabric of your being. Your subconscious is programmed to make these messages a reality. In so doing, your conscious mind doesn’t stand a chance. Second, from a metaphysical perspective, you attract the exact circumstances that are alive in both your conscious and subconscious.
What Stories Do You Tell About Yourself and Your Life?
Which kind of statements do you use more frequently? “I live a charmed life. Things always work out for me.” OR “I can never catch a break. Things are never easy for me.”
We’re such self-preserving creatures (meaning we want to esteem ourselves highly and not have to change in anyway) that your first conscious thoughts might be, “Nope. I’m positive. Don’t have that problem.” But I bet if you dig and search yourself in multiple contexts (in friendships, among co-workers, at school, in romantic relationships, etc.) you can find some previously undetected, defeatist kind of thinking.
Here are some concrete, more specific examples:
Tell A Better Feeling Story
When you tell stories such as the above, and they become your reality, you are complicit in creating your undesired reality. If you don’t want this, the answer is simple, tell a different story.
Let’s take something simple such as, “I’m always late.”
What feels better than that? Sure you can jump to the opposite, “I’m never late,” but because you might not experience it as truth and consequently don’t believe it-it doesn’t produce any detectable emotional shift for you. So I suggest, reaching for something only slightly different such as, “I have a tendency not to manage my time well.” Thereafter you can climb higher up the ladder of positivity, “I can learn new techniques to manage my time, “ and/or, “By this time next year, I will learn to manage my time better where it matters (i.e. work).” What you say doesn’t matter as much as the energy you offer on the subject matters. Point is, just tell a different story.
In the words of Jerry & Esther Hicks, “If you let your dominant intention be to revise and improve the content of the story you tell every day of your life, it is [an] absolute promise…that your life will become that ever improving story.”
Frugalista’s: Idenitfy some defeatist thinking we need to do away with. Sometimes we can’t see it, unless others point it out….
[info_box type=”alert_box”]If you want to practice self-care, you have to care for your finances. My book, The Happy Finances Challenge, is designed to help you learn to make money decisions that will lead to long-term financial happiness in just 42 days. [/info_box]